Some discussions around here lately have got me thinking. I guess you could say those discussions in addition to my current situation. And I want to say this right off the bat though it is difficult to say because I don't mean it how it looks. I am proud to be a Lutheran.

As you may or may not know, I am without a congregation at the moment. This is not the place for the whole story; certainly not the time. What it boils down to is that I was led to believe that my former congregation wanted to be Lutheran (and not another Bapti-Pente-Piscopal congregation that so many congregations currently are). Well, they weren't truthful with me. So nine months after being told I was the man and kind of man they wanted, I was asked to leave. So, here I am, a year later, and still without a call. (Hopefully that changes soon. If it were up to like-minded individuals, I'd be in a parish months ago; thank you all for all the work you've done on my behalf.)

Despite this, I am proud to be a Lutheran. I don't take pride in this fact as if it is some personal accomplishment. My being Lutheran is hardly any of my doing. I might be able to claim remaining a Lutheran as something I did, but even there I remain what I am only by God's grace. I guess I could put it this way: if I had a choice, if it was 100% up to me, given everything else out there, I would choose to be Lutheran; even despite and in spite of what I (and my family) has gone through the last several years. Why? Because it is only in Lutheranism where I find sin, guilt, mercy, grace, and forgiveness adequately explained.

Looking at the world around me (and that little part within me that is "mine"), I see a creation that is hell-bent on self-destruction. "Bad things" keep happening all around. And there is nothing from the world that explains why this is. Philosophers have argued for millenia why "bad things" happen to "good people" and vice versa. They explain things away as being good when they are not. They stumble into attempts at justifying things. Some claim that events are fate or destiny, which are two different ways of saying the same thing.

In the Scripture, though, it is explained that what happens is a direct or indirect act of our actions, and that those actions are inherently directed against creation and the Creator. It all stems down to power: power over one's self, power over others, power over one's environment, ultimately even power over everything—which all means power over and above God. Look back to the beginning where Adam and Eve sought to be like God; they were seduced to believe that they could obtain that power by eating of the fruit from which God told them not to eat. "Hey, simply by eating this fruit, we can push God out of our lives and do things our way. To hell with God, I can and will do better." And, what happens? God banishes them from Paradise.

Sadly, but boldly, I confess that I deal with this power struggle, too. I want control over myself, my family, my peers, my congregation (when I had them)...everything about me. I hunger for power as much as my father Adam. It is the Old Adam working in me (which by daily contrition and repentance, I drown in confession to God—part of my Baptismal life).

The beauty of it all, though, is that while God banishes Adam and Eve, He doesn't abandon them. He promises them redemption. He gives them what they need to support their bodies and lives. They would have to work for it, but that work and reward is God-given. The lesson is this: despite and in spite of our hatred of God and our desire to overthrow Him, He still loves us and takes care of us. He is, in every sense, a true Father who loves His children unconditionally and irrationally.

And, there-in, is why I am and remain Lutheran. Lutheranism teaches this unlike any other religion, faith, or denomination out there. In some way, shape, or form, they teach that man plays a part (from the seemingly insignificant role to the entire responsibility) in his salvation. Lutheranism teaches that every aspect of life—all that we have and every fulfilled need—is completely and fully given by God, including and most importantly salvation.

So, despite the power struggle that consumes even my beloved confessional Lutheran church body, the LCMS, and her congregations (which resulted in my forced resignation), I still boldly claim to be LCMS. But, why? Well, she may practice differently than what she confesses, but she still confesses the truth. That presents an opportunity, though making use of that opportunity is increasingly difficult. On paper, the LCMS is still a confessional church body that clings to the truth of the Scriptures as explained in the Lutheran Confessions (Book of Concord). As long as that remains, I can do what I have been called to do. In the face of false teaching and practice, I can point to what we say we believe and say, "See, this is what we are about. What we are doing is in conflict with what we believe. Let me teach you what we believe so that we may grow from this in our understanding of God and His grace and correct our errors."

I must, at this point, confess to thoughts of leaving the LCMS. So much has happened to me personally and within the church body that I love that is disheartening and depressing. Yes, I fight depression daily, these days, because what I believe and what my church confesses are in stark contrast to what is being practiced. And, I see other Lutheran denominations out there that are what I want to be in (what I want LCMS to become again...to revert to, so to speak). Chief among these is ELDONA—the Evangelical Lutheran Diocese of North America—though there have been others which have briefly caught my eye and attention.

But, I'm not ready to abandon ship just yet. Though, it wouldn't take much for me to bail out. The day that the LCMS' confession changes to meet the practice, I'll be gone. The first president of the LCMS, C.F.W. Walther, even mentions doing so should this thing happen (though, you'll have to excuse me for omitting a reference...I recall reading it and hearing it, but I can't find an exact quote). For the time being, it would seem that is not happening and might not happen for a long time (if at all). Though, there are individuals trying to make that happen, and the beginnings of that change are taking shape. I pray that never happens. Though, I will admit that I could be completely out of touch and not noticing that what I fear is, in fact, happening.

I can't leave this post at that. I must express a warning. To those who would seek to change the confession to match false practice, heed this warning: You are condemning yourself. In going that route, you are openly denying the Truth of Scripture and you make God out to be a liar. But, there is hope and comfort. This path is not unprecedented. Adam and Eve traveled down it, calling God a liar, but they were not abandoned by Him. He called them to repentance, forgave them, and took care of them. The same message is for you!

And there is another good reason to stay. While outside voices calling for repentance can be powerful, voices inside calling for repentance are necessary, too. God first sent Hebrew prophets to the Hebrews to make the call for confession before that call for confession came from outsiders (if it came at all). Let me add my voice to the many but few others within the LCMS: repent, Missouri, repent.

Return, O Israel, to the LORD your God.
Your sins have been your downfall!
Take words with you
and return to the LORD.
Say to him:
"Forgive all our sins
and receive us graciously,
that we may offer the fruit of our lips."

Hosea 14:1-2

Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.

Joel 2:13